!

I went out of my room because I was hungry last night and went to the kitchen to search out something to eat. There was a lot of food there, all right, and the side table had lots of plastic bags in it.

Hoping for something to eat, I checked them all out and was assaulted by the smell of chocolates (mostly). As I scavanged through the boxes, I noticed that they were all chocolate and or had something chocolate in them - chocolate bars, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate crackers, chocolate wafers... I'm now doing the South Beach diet and I certainly can't eat any of those, right? But I was hungry, and there were also chips there, which weren't as apetizing as the
chocolates, obviously, but they looked pretty good as well.

I was getting frustrated at it, trying to find something I could eat and yet all I was getting was a pretty good whiff of chocolate and seeing food that I liked but couldn't eat.

Then I woke up.

I wonder if my subconscious is totally craving carbs? Specifically, chocolates. I could swear I could smell them. You know, I don't mind dreaming about food I can't eat just as long as the cravings don't overflow into my conscious mind. I'm on my third day on South Beach and I'm not craving carbs and I'm doing fine and I'd really like to keep it that way, thank you very much.
Although... I sure wish my subconscious self stuffed herself full of chocolates. Maybe then I could taste it, even in dreams. That's not cheating, is it?

Languages

Guide to English as a Second Language

We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes;
But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose.
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis and shim.

Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We most polish the Polish Furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on ! the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid
12) There was a row among the oarsman about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into the sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind!
For example.....if you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through thick leaves on the bough on a tree!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
Oh, and if Dad is Pops, how come Mom isn't Mops?

Anagrams

Look at what happens if you rearrange the letters of the following words:
1. Dormitory – dirty room
2. Desperation – a rope ends it
3. The eyes – they see
4. The Morse code – here come dots
5. Slot machines – cash lost in me
6. Animosity – is no amity
7. A decimal point – I’m a dot in place
8. Snooze alarms – alas, no more Z’s
9. Astronomer – moon starer
10. Mother-in-law – woman Hitler
11. Eleven plus two – twelve plus one
12. Election results – lies, let’s recount
13. Evangelist - Evil's agent
14. Alec Guinness - genuine class
15. Semolina - is no meal
16. The public art galleries - large picture halls, I bet
17. The earthquakes - that queer shake
18. Contradiction - accord not in it
19. George Bush - he bugs Gore
20. "To be or not to be: that is the question, whether the nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" - in one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten
21. "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind" - a thin man ran; makes a large stride, left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!
22. President Clinton of the USA - to copulate, he finds interns

Amazing, isn’t it?