Removals

Saw the list. And I'm not really happy. I got all the ones I expected... and a bit more. And I'm really kind of confused about that since I know I didn't get THAT low in those subjects. Argh! Anyway, I'll have time to ask the different departments about my grades on Friday - I just hope our professors are present because sometimes, during times like this, they have a tendency to disappear.

I've been posting jokes and whatnot lately in my blog. It's just that I have all these jokes, etc lying around and I don't exactly know where to put it to share it with people, so I decided to just post them here. Besides, in this way, I know I'll have a copy of them forever :p hehehe

Three Apple Engineers & Three Microsoft Engineers

Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft engineer. "Watch and you'll see," answers the Apple engineer.

They all board the train. The Microsoft engineers take their respective seats but all three Apple engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the rest room door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Microsoft engineers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Microsoft engineers decide to copy the Apple engineers (as they always do) on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Apple engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Microsoft engineer. "Watch and you'll see," answers an Apple engineer.

When they board the train, the three Microsoft engineers cram into a rest room and the three Apple engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shoftly afterward, one of the Apple engineers leaves his rest room and walks over to the rest room where the Microsoft engineers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please"...

Chinese Torture

A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a long grey beard.

"I'm lost," said the man, "can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition: if you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Over dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well, as she couldn't keep her eyes off of him during her meal.

Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night, he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back to his room so the old man wouldn't hear, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes, he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read: "Chinese torture no. 1 - large rock on chest."

"Well, that's easy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do, then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window, and threw it out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese torture no. 2 - rock tied to left testicle."

In a panic, he glanced down and saw the rope was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones were better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted towards the ground, he saw a large sign on the ground that read: "Chinese torture no. 3 - right testicle tied to bed post."

Kuwentong Kutsero

Isang patimpalak ang ginanap at ito ay tinampukan ng isang Amerikano, isang Hapon, at isang Pilipino. Ang paligsahang ito ay 100m dash. Nang mag-umpisa ang paligsahan, naunang tumakbo ang Amerikano. Naabot niya ang finish line sa loob ng 10 segundo. Nagpalakpakan ang mga tao.
Reporter: "Sir, how did you prepare for this event?"
American: "I did sprints while carrying weights and that caused hypertrophy of my muscles."

Ilang sandali pa ay naghanda na ang Hapon sa kanyang pagtakbo. Tumakbo siya ng matulin at kapansinpansin na mas mabilis siyang tumakbo kaysa sa Amerikano. Naabot niya ang finish line sa loob laman ng 8 segundo. Nagpalakpakan muli ang mga tao.
Reporter: "Sir, how did you prepare for this event?"
Japanese: "I drank tea which improved my circulation and metabolism. It also has an innate ability to induce the production of adrenaline."

Pagkatapos noon ay lumabas ang Pinoy at nagtayuan at nagpalakpaan ang mga manonood. Nang ipinutok na ang baril, tumakbo na ang Pilipino ngunit siya ay nadapa... napilayan siya at hindi na natapos ang karera.
Reporter: "Hoy, bat ka nadapa?"
Pilipino: "Masyado kasi akong mabilis tumakbo kaya nabangga ko yung likod ko."