Warning: not for the faint of heart. Cono-phobic, you have been warned.

Author’s note: I do NOT talk like this. Well… not that much, anyway. Not as bad as this and definitely without the accent! Obviously, this is a huge exaggeration from my norm. I just wanted to give a different twist on an otherwise blah kwento. ‘Sides I’m bored with nothing better to do, so humor me while I massacre two languages in most maarte way possible. And yes, I’m exaggerating my reactions.

My Day My Way

Okay, like, it’s like this. I had plans to make punta to Manila coz I had to get our costumes for, like, our contest and stuff coz walang makakapunta kasi eh. Me lang coz I’ve no pasok in the halfternoon [yes, with ‘h’; it’s a cross between “hapon” and “afternoon”]. Anyway, I had boring biochem so very early in the morning. Grabe, it was so asar, I’ve been puyat since, like, forever! Tapos I had to get up early as in! Like, 8 or something. Grabe, how aga is that? Annoying, right? My gosh. I was late, but I wasn’t the latest, so I don’t feel so bad. Tapos pagpasok ko, bigla nalang they’re talking about some nonsense that I don’t even know about! May lab discussion ba naman! And nobody knew about it! Well, nobody I know knew about it but I think meron namang ibang may alam coz people were reporting, right? One group was, anyway. Tapos after, we started na with the journal reporting – my gosh, promise, kung wala lang quiz, I totally won’t even go to class noh!

Anyway, we went into reporting mga 930 na edi that’s so late na, diba? I just knew that biochem would totally overtime. Again. Like, forever and always. It’s so annoying coz sila lang ba naman yung forever na nag-o-overtime. Eh they’re so boring pa! Tapos you can’t leave early coz they have a test thing when the class is patapos na.

So. My classmates made daldal in the mic and we made kunware that we were listening when, really, who listens to these things anyway? Diba, diba? I’m so tama.

The class finally made tapos nung mga 1210, which is sooooo late as in! I mean, we normally finish mga 11 pero sa official sked, it says na yung class dapat mag-end ng 12. So biochem was overtime again. And the quiz was so kaasar! Coz I didn’t listen nga eh, diba? So of course, wala akong masagot and I couldn’t even, like, cheat off my seatmate or something kasi my long-dead conscience made buhay ba naman. Of all the times! Hmph!

So. Ok. After, I totally went to Rache’s place coz I had to get the pera for Lee Anne coz may utang pa kami for her and since magkikita kami, edi me nalang mag-gi-give, right? So, ayon, I got the money and I was sooo nerbyos coz ang dami kong money na dala, diba? Tapos commute lang me? My gosh. After the bomb threat pa! I was sooo takot, as in. I totally didn’t want to make sakay in the bus kasi baka nga may mag-bomb and I was also afraid to go to Makati coz, duh, dun nag-go off yung bomb before. But then, it’s Makati, right? And it’s sobrang better than making siksikan with the bus people diba? So I did that.

Kaso ba naman, my katangahan talaga for today! So laughtrip, promise! I was making madali coz I sobrang didn’t want to be ma-traffic diba? And I hear so many scary stories about traffic pauwi, pero I had to charge my phone coz ang konti nalang ng bat niya at scary namang mag-commute ng walang phone, especially when may ime-meet akong person, right? Baka biglang mag-empty bat ako. So charge ako konti then I left. But when I was driving in my car ba naman, dun sa may kabilang side ng village, I realized something bobo. I had the wrong shoes! My gosh! Emergency yon coz I was wearing black-gray medjas with my not-for-walking-anywhere-other-than-within-Nicasia sandals. It's sobrang not bagay with my outfit. So I had to park sa may labas ng Erja and run in to my dorm, change my shoes, and go back. Since sandali lang naman ako, I left my bag and phone in the car. But I’m so tanga talaga, I left ba naman my key inside my dorm! How stupid, diba? So I was sobrang panicking talaga coz all my friends were in class na coz that was, like, what, 1-something na. Buti nalang some of my classmates were nasa may harap ng Erja, near my car, just making tambay. I made hiram their phone and called up my daddy. But then he had pasok, so, grabe, I was totally mag-isa sa problem ko. Since dati, I did this na before, medyo may mga loose window things on my window thing and I just made wiggle wiggle the thingie and pushed and stuff. Buti nalang, it totally got off. Tapos ate – she’s so nice talaga – gave me this really long thingiemajig that can make-abot my susi on my computer table inside. So I made reach-reach and reached it naman. I was making loko nga ate eh, coz she had the poking thing agad, I asked why parang sanay na sanay siya sa nagyari sakin and mukhang marami nang mga people na nalo-lock yung mga keys nila sa inside. Sabi nya medyo many nga.

Anyway, that catastrophe over, I ran to my car and left na, medyo making madali to go to Makati coz I was meeting Lee Anne pa there sa may Libertad LRT station thing. Buti nalang I made it to Makati in about an hour, parked, went to the MRT and rode. Tapos I went to the LRT. Wala namang happening nun.

Pagdating sa Libertad station, I made hintay Lee sa may Mickey D’s sa may down ng station. Eh she was medyo tagal and I was kinda hungry na so I bought food and ate. Tapos she came, little kwento, gave me the bag, gave her the money, we made bye-bye na. Tapos I took the trike to the tahian and it costs 25. Grabe, mahal talaga trike noh? Mas expensive sa LRT or MRT or bus. Anyway, I came, I went, I got, I paid, then I left na.

On the way back, yung trike that I was riding? Munting nang mahuli coz may mga police ekek people who were making sita trikes who go beyond some imaginary line na ginawa nila. So Mang Trike made a u-turn then I said to make para nalang sa may kanto. Tapos he was so nice, when I asked magkano bayad, he said it was bahala sakin. That’s so nice, noh? I gave him nalang 25 para fair, diba?

Tapos, I went back to the LRT and it was sobrang full. Grabe, people were invading my personal space talaga. Eh ayoko nun eh. One stop later, I got down and, grabe, I was sweating like a pig na!

Wait… pigs are kadiri, diba? They’re madumi, kadiri, and make the most annoying of sounds. Tapos, they're not even cute. Ay naku, I don’t like to be compared to them!

Anyway, I was sweating like a horse –

Teka, horses are, like, parang masyadong macho noh? I mean, sure, they’re okay na hayop but, still, they’re not… feminine. Tapos I have this imagine of, like, this horse that's totally making ulan pawis. Eewww.

Anyway, sweat was making tulo on my body and it was such an icky feeling. My gosh, bakit kasi hindi i-aircon ang whole of Manila? Don’t they know how totally super tropical this bansa is? Grabe, it was so kadiri and stuff. Sticky na ewan. You know how like, when you’re making kain ice cream like Haagen Daas or BTC or Dippin’ Dots or something and it makes tulo on your kamay? Tapos, it’s so sticky until you put alcogel on it? Parang ganun yung nagyari kanina kaso I didn’t have enough alcogel to make hugas my buong katawan. And medyo nakaka-shy kaya gawin yon in public, so I couldn't diba? There was a passageway-thingie from LRT to MRT. Yung 1 of them, passing through this normal overpass thing for walking people while yung 1 naman, via some never-heard mall sa may corner ng EDSA and Taft. I know mas-aircon yung mall but please! It’s not even by the de Ayalas noh. I can’t possible make tapak inside it! Better to make hirap in the pawisan area until to MRT than go inside some mall that's not even class!

Tapos, in the station, ang haba ng pila niya there ha. Isn’t it annoying na sa dulo ng MRT, kung san people know na madaming tao, little lang yung counters? Tapos in Ayala – na malapit dun sa mall na created by the de Ayalas – there are more counters? Anyway, I had to make pila carrying 2 totally huge plastic bags and it was sobrang hot and people were making siksikan. Like, my gosh, who’s gonna make singit ba? Why do you have to make dikit-dikit? Can’t you, like, leave me at least a foot of space sa harap and likod ko? Grabe. It’s hot and sweaty tapos they’re so dikit-dikit pa rin. I don’t need your sweat on my body! Ew! Gross!

Anyway, the nightmare was almost tapos when I went on the MRT and then got off the Ayala station. Pagdating ko sa car, I got agad a tissue to make punas my pawis coz kadiri when you’re pawis tapos you’ll make aircon. I might get sakit pa, diba?

I arrived back sa dorm mga 5-ish and my legs were, like, my gosh, making nginig or something and I was nanghihina. Grabe, I’m so delicate talaga!

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Practice was fine and the costumes were really cute. There’re a few alterations that we need to do (coz the neckline and butt-line had a tendency to, well, droop) but it’s really nice. I was very happy when I tried it on. Hehehe I’m not as fat as I thought I was! Yay!