(typing to the background music of my love songs collection, songs like what matters most and when you say nothing at all)

Everyone has all these moods that they follow, right? Well sometimes I get these moods wherein I like to think (delude myself, is more like it) that I'm in this deep and reflective mood. Which I am. Only I have no words to describe it or give justice to how I feel. I just have this nagging in my fingers that tell me I want to write. Except I don't know what. It's frustrating sometimes, because I feel like all my so-called creative genius (remember, I mentioned that I was deluding myself?) are just in my head, somewhere there, buried under the medical terms I know (w/c is, sadly, not a whole lot), behind the dreams I have never quite given up on, hiding beneath my mind's insistence to wander. And sometimes, I wish I would know just what to do so I can get to that.

Sometimes, I write poems. I used to write a lot more but now I don't. I wish I could write more, but for various reasons, I don't. Either too little time, no inspiration, or my muse has decided to take a hike. Sometimes, though, I get lucky, really lucky, and I strike just the right chord in a poem... and I love it. And sometimes I wish that such things can happen because I want it to and not out of the blue because it wants to. But we can't always choose things, can we?

Haaay. I know ang labo ng blog ko today... but I can't help it. My mind's wandering this way and that and I'm not entirely sure what I want to write... only that I do want to write.

I religiously read the blogs of my bestbuds Ina and Kem... and occasionaly drop by my Zobel batchmate's Primo's blog and check out other blogs using his links (how do you that anyway?). Blogs like Bianca's and Miles, Erwin and JM (Ibanez), Kris and others I feel like reading at that moment. Sometimes, reading theirs (especially Miles' and Bianca's) make me feel envious. Because these are people actually doing things already. They're doing what they want, what they enjoy (based on their blogs) and I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. A student... earning (I use the term loosely) allowance-wage and still studying. I've been studying for the 20 years of my 22-year life. And it doesn't end there, even though I graduate next year. I still have 10 joyous (I use the word sarcastically) years of study to look forward to. I wish I could just hit fastforward and begin work already. Or if I could absorb the information from all my medical books by diffusion and just take the MLE tomorrow and start working the day after, that'd be great. Really. I have a craving for independence. And yet, sometimes, I fear the real world. After all, in the Real World, you're not given any quarter. You either mess up or do good, and there are some mistakes you cannot commit. You're playing with the big boys now, as they say, and that's true. And yet, I argue with myself: why should I fear the Real World? After all, is this not what I've been preparing myself for in my entire life?

Also, I've always been meaning to write this down but always forget... Bianca has a billboard along EDSA. How cool is that? We were never close, but Zobel ties run strong LOL it always gives me a sense of pride to go and point out, "There's Bianca Gonzalez, she's my batchmate in Zobel. And she has a billboard. She's, like, a model and probably famous." Hahahah the ever famous "I knew her when" speeches. Like I said, we were never close, but I remember from Karen that she was in the yearbook staff and our yearbook turned out ok (some disagree, but I think it's fun, different, adventurous, and reflects our batch). I also remember her as being extremely nice, funny too, and quite kalog.

From my batch in Zobel, I know Bianca and Rocky made it to the modeling world, Patty made it in the entertainment business (mostly hosting), Monty made his dream come true by taking his band to the next level (and I'm glad they finally ended up with a name that they stuck with; and wasn't Mayonaise their name first year high school before they changed it yearly?) (also, I wonder if [Bernard] Paco is still their guitarist? And of [Anthony G] "Gonzy" is still their drummer? Those guys have some awesome talent!). Wow. So glad I knew them when :p although 10 years down the road, I'm not too sure if they'll remember me :p heh ah wells, such is the life.

Speaking of Zobel, I passed by ye old Alma Mater a few days back. It sure looks different now and I wish I could visit it one of these days. Sana nga. It'd be nice to reminisce and remember those days :D I do love my batch.

(listening to dream of me by kirstin dunst - damn that's a good song!)

Isn't it funny how life passes us by? Isn't it funny how life can be and how it gets? All these people who I used to be connected with - a flimsy connection, but a connection nonetheless - as I was growing up... they helped shaped me, somehow.

And it's funny how things end up. I mean, I sure didn't know I'd end up with Tina de Castro as my classmate in DLSU-Taft (main)... and Veda Castillo and her brother as my classmates in my (second) first year in med school... and that Caloy Belen would also be my classmate in my (third huhuhu) first year in med school. Small world eh? These people are my batchmates... and I had no idea they wanted to be doctors. And here we all are. Back in La Salle :p

Basically, what I'm trying to get with all my ramblings is that... life's funny.