Advice

My cousins posted something on her blog that made me think. And I gave her advice that also made me think.

See, it was about dreams and following your dreams. I'm all for following your dream, for gathering your courage and taking that risk to try to obtain your dream. I told my cousin to "shoot for the moon, that way, if you fail, you'll still be among stars" (or some quote that sounded like that... sorry, can't remember verbatim) and "when you really want something, the world will conspire so that you can have it" (again, unsure if verbatim... just check The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho).

And now it comes to a few things that made me think... just what is my real dream and what do I want in life? I mean, obviously, everyone who knows me knows I want to be a doctor. But after this... what? I had wanted to study in the States, but that never happened (monetary and, hey, let's face, am I even going to be mentally acceptable to the good American med schools?). What do I want to happen for my future? It just seems like a big blank thing. All I see is me becoming an MD and obtaining a license. After that, I have no idea. No real idea what I want to.

That kind of thought makes me panic, somewhat, but I'm keeping the worry about bay. I like to think that it's not yet something I have to worry about, as it's 3 years in the future. Lots of things could happen then - I could also finally know what I want to do in my life when that time comes. When I said before that I felt kind of worried that I had no set plans on what I want to do with my life after graduating med, my dad told me not to worry, that when I reach that point in my life, everything will make sense and I'll just know what to do.

But what if I won't? What if I'm just going to forever be set adrift, being happy and yet somehow feeling as if there's something more that I want for myself? My greatest fear is regret. I would not want to be alive 5-10 years from now and wonder what could have been. I don't want to think, "I should've done this". I really don't.

Sometimes I feel so greedy. That I want so much out of life and yet can't really do so. Well, primarily, I don't have the money, but secondly, I don't have the time. And yet I've always believed that if you wanted it hard enough, you could do/have it all.

So, now, I wonder... what do I want in my life?