Where Do I Go From Here...?

Sorry for such a dramatic title, but I couldn't think of anything else.

Ever since last week, I've been feeling out of sorts, restless... somewhat lost. Like I want something and I don't know what it is and, worse, even if I did know it, I wasn't sure I could get it. Like I feel that life is passing me by and I can't do anything except watch. And, worse, that I don't want to do anything other than watch because the alternative - actually doing something - is something that is useless for me to do. Or that something was supposed to happen in my life, something big and different and will change my life and I missed it because I couldn't see it for what it was.

It's not even anything overt. I'm not, like, all depressive or questioning everything in my life. No, not that. It's... it's hard to put a finger on it. But... like I'm somewhat content and yet majorly not? Ugh. I'm getting confused just trying to think about it. I'm hoping this is just a phase since I think I feel this way every once in a blue moon. But, see, I'm not built like that. I'm not built to just sit back and relax as my emotions wreak havoc. And what pisses me off is that I don't know the reason why.

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Some third year med guy named Mark got shot in Dasma. I'm not sure where, but he got shot by a carnapper wanting to make off (and he probably did) with Mark's honda civic. Mark died. Happened just last week, I think. The owner of Kem's dorm told her about it and Kem told me.

How can people live like that?? Is money worth it to take away the life of someone with a future? If he does still the car for himself, how can he live with it? How can he drive and enjoy the car when he paid such a high price to get it? Is it even worth it? People I've talked to say that maybe it's not the carnapper's first time. But still. Is it worth it?!! A freaking car, for Godsakes. It's just a car. If you want the money, earn it! Damn. Then again, why is this surprising me? People have been killed for something as measly as a cellphone. Is 20,000 (the highest price I can think of for a second hand cell) worth your conscience? Your freaking soul? And if the bad guy did it more than once, then isn't that worse? How can he live with himself? If he wants the money for food, then why not just steal the freaking food? It'll even hold up in court if you get caught! Something about humanity blah-blah and how we're supposed to feed them starving peeps. Whatever. But to kill... What is this world coming to?

If someone kills me just so he/she could steal something from me, I swear to God I'll that guy until the end of his days. Or even until he repents and lives a new life. I'll plead to the heavens in my afterlife to make that blasted coward miserable until the end of his days. Especially if I'm not the first. I'm all for forgiving and forgetting... but, really, nothing is worth the murder of another person unless it's self-defense. Or, yknow, he did something really horrible like rape you and your ten sisters and killed everyone you love and tortured a bunch of people. I'm not for killing the bad guy who did all that, but I'd certainly understand if the victim wants reparation.

But, really, what is the world coming to?