I'm panicking... sort of. You can't see it and even I can't feel it (sort of).

Its my Anatomy finals tomorrow - 150 grueling questions of our lessons since November. And I'm only halfway done. I know I should panic, but I'm stuck in a bubble and can't get out. I've felt this way before - the I-don't-care syndrome. Like, my emotions (panic, worry, tension) is there, posterior to Gerard Butler and medial to the Phantom lyrics and lateral to my un-read to-read books and superior to the things I have planned for summer. All behind the door marked 'emotions'. Haaaaay. Life.

I should care. I should panic. I should study. I should do and feel all those things and yet I don't and I'm not.

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I'm so in the mood for shopping, for clothes and stuff. Which is really bad because it's the start of summer and I can't very well be broke first week into the vacation, right? Got lunch out in Saisaki with Amazing Group 9, got dinner out with Fackjm... some time April, got Boracay plans with Trish... which means I have to shell out money talaga. Tapos Bora pa? Trish said it would probably amount to 15-ish thousand. That's a pretty penny. I might be able to get my parents to cover for plane and board, but the rest will probably be me (unless my parents would feel sorry for me and donate some moolah). Since Trish and I are planning debauchery (her word, not mine), I know I'll need cash.

Man! Can't wait to work! When I was a kid, I enjoyed spending money that was not mine. Now... I sometimes prefer to just use my money. Probably coz, in using my money, I don't have to go through the whole "can I buy..." bit, with matching explanations and all.

Tapos, I don't only have to worry about Bora expenses itself. I have to worry about clothes (tamang-tama sa shopping mood ko). It's my first time to go to beachy nightlife. What in heaven's name do I wear there? I've never done that. And my beach attires aren't all that fantastic. Mostly because I don't want to wear anything pretty and nice and costing more than 200 bucks to the salty, salty sea and the scratchy dry sand. But this'll be Bora! Porma galore! Boys galore! Drinking and party and nightlife galore! So now, I really want pretty sandals - oh, sorry, flipflops. So, now, I'm off to search. I'm likewise tempted to buy tank tops and board shorts and adorable sarong minis, but... must try to avoid that. But flipflops are a must. Coz my beach sandals are just that: beach sandals.

I'm also in the mood lately to make porma and stuff. Unfortunately, my body ain't up to it. Really miss my old body. Trish and I are going to use our remaining pre-Bora days to diet up a storm. Sana mag-work...

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I told myself that I won't buy any books until July 16's Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince unless it were a book by David Eddings, Mercedes Lackey, or Julia Quinn coz the last two are hard-to-find and I'm awaiting the first one's latest installment. But I think I'll break that. I'm wanting to buy Phantom Of The Opera and see what the original story is all about - want to compare between the book and movie (and opera). After that, ayoko na. Like I said, I've got a pile of books I have yet to read and wanna read. I want to tackle those first before going out to buy new ones. Besides, I think I want to spend some time with my money a while before parting with it.

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My mom said she'll get me a job in her company this summer. Hope that pulls through. Like I said, I need the dough.

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Edit: Last night, Trish was watching How To Deal (while I trudge through neuroanatomy notes) and said that she found the Macon (?) guy cute. His name's Trent Ford. So I searched him out for no particular reason... which made me see Mandy Moore... which led to see A Walk To Remember (I love the imdb site)... which led me to check out Shane West (another cute actor)... which led me to a little trivia Shane fact (he dedicated a song to a late actor) that shocked me:

Jonathan Brandis is dead?!!

(http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000970/) I used to like that guy. My brother was a fan of SeaQuest - and so was I, for entirely different reasons. I was at the height of pop icons and teen mags and all that suff and Jon Brandis was always on my list of cuties. And all of a sudden, he's dead?! How come I never heard anything about it?!!

He died November 12/13, 2003 and it was a suicide, with no suicide note (how lame is that?!! I don't think that ever happens coz suicidal people always tend to leave notes all over the place). He hung himself (ew)... gosh... it's just... wow. Not 'wow' in the nice way but 'wow' in the I'm-so-shocked-I-dunno-what-to-say. My gosh... he's dead?!! Why?!! That's such a waste!