It’s Karen’s birthday today and I miss her loads. Sometimes I wish I could just call her to just talk, but I don’t think she’d talk to me. I’m probably nothing to her right now… she’s forgotten I exist in her life… but if she were to call me right now, somehow, I’d still be a friend to her. I really would. I don’t hate her, I never did. I was disappointed at what had happened with us and distraught that she couldn’t seem to see it through my point of view. I knew her side, understood it, she didn’t even have to tell me about it because I knew her that well. But… I wish she did the same to me, yknow?

Oh well. What doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger.

I’ve learned a lot of lessons in the month before and a few months after Karen and I had our falling out. And I won’t forget those lessons learned.

But sometimes… I just wish I could ring her up, call her, and just talk to her. But I’m afraid that if I do that, I might not get the Karen I knew and loved and needed to talk to. I miss her. We’ve been best friends since 6th grade until second year college. I told her everything and she did the same. We knew secrets about each other that nobody else in the world (unless the secret was about them, in which case, I guess they knew about it) knew. And I miss her. I wonder how she’s doing. And I don’t know the answer to that question nor do I know how to find the answer to that question short of asking her myself. Which, again, wouldn’t really amount to much since she’d probably just hang up on me. Or, if face-to-face, she’d just pretend I didn’t exist.

Sometimes I wonder… was what I did really so bad? Was it so unforgivable? Why couldn’t she see my side even just a bit? I understood hers, why couldn’t she mine? Should I have not said anything nalang? After all, I only had a few months of living with her, couldn’t I have just shut my mouth? But then I was afraid that it would be that way forever. Sometimes, I really wonder if I could have said or done something that would have gotten the same results without the backlash.

Today is her birthday, her 22nd. And wherever she is, I do wish her a happy birthday.