FRIENDSHIPS

Once I worried about calling a friend long-distance to greet that friend a happy birthday. I worried about the cost and a couple of other things and my other friends, who were with me, asked me two questions: does she do the same for me? (she doesn’t) then why am I stressing out over a call they don’t think I should do? (which I had no answer to).

And that got me thinking: how much is too much? That seems a question I often ask myself. Since when I’m friends with someone, real friends whom I love, then I tend to be… unconditional. I’ll give and give until I can. And is a phone call really such a big deal? But apparently, to them it is, I heard something like "why do you spend so much for someone who wouldn’t spend the same for you?" and I kept trying to justify myself by saying that that’s not friendship if you’re doing things just because they’re doing it to you too. And they said that it wasn’t that you do it because they do, but do something because you know that they’d do the same for you.

And while that made sense… it also didn’t really mean much to me since I usually call up friends during birthdays. It just happened that this particular friend happened to be a long-distance phone call away.

Is it so wrong to be able to give to friends? Like, we’re talking real friends anyway and not just friends who’re just there. We’re talking friends who have "proven" (though I hate using that word 'cause it’s like you try to test everyone to see if they could be your friend) themselves. Is it so wrong to go the extra mile to show your friend that you care? That he/she is special in your life? Is it?

I remember in college, our professor in religion 4 said that selfishness is "what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine" while justice is "what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours" but that love meant "what’s mine is yours". And doesn’t the Bible dare us to aspire to love like God? While I know many can’t, but if one person is capable, or at least trying, to do things because I love another and even if that person might not care again, then shouldn’t it be okay? If I’m really not okay with it, if I feel like I’m being abused, then I stop anyway. But if I know that another could, but maybe chooses not to, then why can’t I do things to that person as a sign of my love and friendship? I don’t know the reasons why my friend/s does the things they do or the things they don’t do, even though sometimes one might wish they would. But maybe it’s just not their thing. But it’s my thing. My little way of showing that I care and that they matter in my life.

Is that so bad? Am I being a martyr? Am I being used and enjoying it? Am I giving more than I’m receiving (which really isn’t a bad thing for me, but I don’t want to be doing ALL the giving)? Some of my friends have commented that I was "too" nice. But what is the right amount of nice-ness?